The Window Seat and Parenthood

Being a parent means the window seat will never be yours again.

30 comments

In my mind, only deranged people don’t want the window seat. I mean what sort of people don’t want to watch themselves soar above land and sea, above and through the clouds? Who wouldn’t want to see the landscape change? Who wouldn’t want to feel like a blessed bird? Ah, I know. Parents must not want the window seat, right? I mean, really, how many parents have you seen sitting next to windows on planes? Maybe one parent in your lifetime.

Note: This post is to inform all you future parents of exactly what you’ll be sacrificing in your quest to sprout seedlings.

You see, being a parent changes most people. It won’t change you in every way, but it will change you in many. For instance, I enjoy being a selfish bastard. It feels good to have the last cookie all to myself. If the kids don’t see me eating it because I happen to be hiding in my room, they won’t get hurt. You can judge me if you like, but I’ve made peace with myself.

But when it comes to certain aspects of parental sacrifice, there are few so obviously wrong as taking the window seat from your children. I wish there were a way that I could take the window seat on a plane without feeling like an utter failure as a human being, but there is no way. I’ve done the research, so don’t even bother.

Oh, the children, the dear children, they must have it. It doesn’t matter that I paid for the tickets and arranged a place for us to sleep. Doesn’t matter that I feed them and love them. Doesn’t matter that I’m an adult! No, children get the magical window seat, and that’s final.

Annie, my daughter, is actually too nervous to sit by the window, so thank God in heaven there’s never been a fight between the two of them as to which get’s the seat first. So one would think, “There’s your chance, Lyz. You can take turns with the boy!” Nope. The girl doesn’t want the window, but she does want the middle seat so as to be close enough to peer through the window. She apparently feels shielded from certain death when her brother acts as a buffer.

This leaves me with the cursed aisle seat. I know you can’t tell, but I just spit the word aisle out of my mouth. On the way to our recent trip to New York City (which I’ll be telling you all about soon enough) I sat in the aisle seat and read and wrote and twisted my neck and body to see what all the gasping ohhs and ahhs were about. That was on the way there.

Prior to our flight back home, we had been walking the city for an entire day and were exhausted. Our flight gets delayed 3 times. We sit in the freezing airport for about 5 hours. Did I mention that it’s freezing? The cost of food is proof that morality has gone to shit. We finally make it onto the plane at 11pm. The plane, also, is freezing. What’s with Americans and this addiction to low temperatures?

Anyhow, Austin takes the window seat; Annie takes the center; I’m in the aisle.

Within 20 minutes, they are collapsed on top of each other in deep breathing sleep. I am bleary-eyed and miserable to an ugly degree. The other benefit of the window seat, besides the view? Having a place to rest my blasted big heavy head when I’m in a Rocky Balboa against the Russian type of fighting to get some rest. Also, I want you to notice that Austin is collapsed onto his sister. He isn’t even using the window as a head prop! And here I am shifting into every conceivable position that my stiff body will allow just to get a taste of sweet sleep.

It never happens. We arrive home 2 1/2 hours later and I’m wondering if there are any midnight yoga classes available in my area. My body is as stiff and cold as a bag of frozen peas and my neck is seriously considering quitting me altogether.

As a side note, I didn’t bring my neck pillow with me because I figured it’s a short ride and we’d be arriving home before bedtime. Man makes plans and God laughs.

Do yourselves a favor parents and future parents, book yourself a nice solo flight if you’d ever like to have a window seat again.

 

30 comments on “The Window Seat and Parenthood”

  1. “Man makes plans and God laughs.” Hilarious Sunday read 🙂 I shall remember to show this to Adi who takes over the window seat with perfectly practised righteousness. He will relent once in a while while letting me know that I should feel like Nefertiti felt about the sun god xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, he’s working on some level of psychological delusion that will be hard to break! How can he do it, the villain! You’ve got to find a way to distract him, then go running down the aisle to get the window first. Then never take a restroom break. Also, I love your Nefertiti reference. She doesn’t make it into conversation often enough. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. She never thought that she could be ignored but then reality happened. Poor N. I had to do my bit for her.

        I am a serial loo goer. Does that make any sense? I have so much water that I should probably have a loo seat. Come to think of it, they should have windows inside the loos! The villain in my life is tough to budge when he throws a tantrum. Actually, I don’t know who wins between us two when it comes to tantrums 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ahh, now the details reveal themselves! The truth must have it’s day. A window seat in the loo sounds like a recipe for a fight on the plane. There may be a few people who’d like to purchase that seat, lol.

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Sit with your mouth under a tap, empty bottles at a go, drink a few glasses of wine at the least… then faint with happiness inside the loo? Just a suggestion. I welcome possibilities of upping the ante.

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    1. Thank you so much! I’m happy to hear you liked it. I’ve been away for a few days and trying to figure out how to jump back in; this seemed like the way to go 🙂 You’ll love their little faces pressed against the window staring at the view, but you’ll also want to move their heads out of the way for your own look. Parenting is tons of push and pull. Welcome to my blog 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “For instance, I enjoy being a selfish bastard” almost saw myself saying this hahahahha
    Amazing way of saying this. Parenthood is full of sacrifices and you’re don’t have an option, you have to take, you like it or not, I think it’s a brave phase of life.
    Anyway, I just want you to know I nominated you to The Versatile Blogger Award, because I think your writing is amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isabella, thank you so much! I’ve never gotten this before. Ah, it means a lot to me. And I have to say that I’m always amazed at your very wise ways of describing parenthood. I think you must have studied your own mother very well, or the other women in your life.
      I’ll get started on the Award as soon as I can!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is funny! I love the humor you put into your writings. Especially when there are lines like “I spit the word aisle out of my mouth” LOL. I’m not a parent, but I love being on the aisle seat. Only because I don’t like bothering people whenever I need to use the toilet. haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you liked it, Willia. I guess it’s a great thing that every individual has their preference, that way there’s less hostility! Are you aisle people drinking gallons of water before breakfast?! 😃

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Otherwise, we’d all be killing each other for the window seat. Lol. Loooadds of water. Hahaha. I guess I’m saying this about long haul flights. I like to be able to stand up once in a while. The window seat is great for an hour flight. Lol!

        Liked by 1 person

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