Well, that was embarrassing. iwannabealady.com

Well, That Was Embarrassing.

Well, that was embarrassing. iwannabealady.com

So the other night, I happened to be at a restaurant with a fairly new acquaintance. I chose the only vegetarian appetizer on the menu- artichoke hearts. It’s only recently, within the last year, that I tried artichoke for the first time outside of a dip. I was at a friend’s dinner party; they were soaking in an oil and herb brine and melted on my tongue. I became an instant fan. Did you guys know that artichoke hearts are freaking delicious?

Anyway, I have since bought a couple of jars like this one and thought that I had the artichoke game on lock.

Fast forward to this dinner. A huge plate of halved, pan-roasted, seared on the edges, pools for butter artichokes is set before me. I have no clue how to eat them. Mine have always come in jars. All I know is jars. I pull out my fork and knife and try cutting them. If you imagine that it’s difficult for me to stab these thin, oily leaves with my fork, you’d be correct.

When I finally get the prongs into some meat, I quickly find that after a handful of chews, the artichoke begins to feel like grass in my mouth. Am I supposed to spit out the mass of saliva and crabgrass? I keep chewing while trying to figure it out and pay attention to the conversation. No amount of chewing is breaking up the fibers of this apparently very sturdy vegetable/flower.

When it finally becomes too much, I wait for the right moment when his eyes are averted and pluck it out of my mouth. Of course, his eyes land on my plate just as the chewed up weeds do. Great. I’m staring at a plate full of more artichoke than I know what to do with and either it’s going to be a long night or I need to come clean.  I burst out a confession that I have no idea how to eat this thing.

His response, “First of all, you don’t use a knife and fork.” So basically, I had given myself away from the very start. “You pull off the leaves and suck on them, chewing on the meaty end bits.” Suck and nibble. Got it.

A few more minutes in and he slides a plate over to my side of the table. “This plate is for the husks” (or whatever they’re called. I’m delirious with embarrassment). Call him Houdini because he made that plate appear from out of nowhere. So I guess the empty edge of my plate wasn’t the proper place to be stacking my discards? Let me say this: I think scrap plate and I think ribs and crab legs, not artichoke.

If I weren’t such a know-it-all and so awful at being a spy, I would’ve snuck into the ladies room before the plate came out and watched a YouTube video. It never crossed my mind. It also never crossed my mind to ask the person sitting across from me how to eat it, and even if it did, I wouldn’t have, let’s be honest.

I imagine that this is what Jack Dawson would’ve felt like sitting in the grand dining room of the Titanic surrounded by fancy-shmancies. Jack, you had an angel next to you that night and her name wasn’t Rose.

Share your knowledge people. These types of tragedies don’t have to happen. Whatever you know, there’s someone out there who doesn’t know and wants (needs) to learn. There are YouTube videos out there for everything, so if you ever have trouble with something and you learn a solution, make a video, save the world, save idiots like me.

This hilarious video made me feel a whole lot better.

Have you ever had an embarrassing situation happen in a restaurant? What are the foods you avoid eating when in the company of others? Let’s hear stories!


And speaking of making videos, if you missed last week’s Lit Talks, here it is. For whatever reason (because technology hates me) the connection or download was super glitchy at the beginning (so frustrating) but if you stick with it, it does get better.

If you’re into podcasts, here you go.

https://www.spreaker.com/user/10055454/from-an-essay-on-criticism-alexander-pop

Side note: The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock is my favorite.

Catch me every Thursday night at 8pm on Instagram Live. Tonight we’ll be reading a couple of passages from Shakespeare’s Hamlet which exemplify wit and a gift for insulting people in the most wonderful ways. See you there!


Well, that was embarrassing. iwannabealady.comAnd don’t forget to find me on the other side! Instagram I Twitter I Pinterest I YouTube

My name is Lyz-Stephanie and I want to inspire you to be more connected to yourself and the world, to find beauty in simple pleasures, and to have more adventures. Every day we can do something to make our lives happier and richer, make our minds more active and engaged. I’m on the journey. Will you join me?

26 thoughts on “Well, That Was Embarrassing.

  1. Loved the mental picture this produced! Sounds like an episode of “I Love Lucy”.

    I have learned to avoid marinara sauces at restaurants. For whatever reason, like clockwork, 20 minutes after consuming said sauce I am camping in the bathroom, smelling up the place for an extended period of time. Usually someone comes looking for me to find out if I am OK because I have suddenly disappeared from the meal…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I freaking love ‘I Love Lucy’ and I’ve probably watched every episode multiple times. What an awesome comparison! I never thought of marinara as a villain, but jeez Louise. Maybe I didn’t have it so bad, lol. Omg, I just remembered that I dad can’t eat tomatoes either. You aren’t alone, my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Napkin to wipe your mouth, but just spit it out when you do and ball that baby up! Haha I’ve had to do that with bad cuts of steak before- I don’t order them out anymore unless it’s filet 🙈

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t believe I forgot the napkin solution! I totally took it out with my finger and placed it with my hand onto the plate. #iwannabealady A bad cut of steak might as well be a rubber tire; you’d be chewing for days, lol, so smart move.👌

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Noodles. I never know what to do with noodles. I can twirl spaghetti round a fork and eat that fairly civilised. But noodles are slippery customers. Is it ok to bite through and let the surplus fall to the plate? Is it ok to slurp them up like Lady and the Tramp? Either way, there’s sauce on the chin! That’s the video I need. Thankyou for a funny and informative post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t it the worst when you pick up too much? Either you’ve got a cheek stuffed with noodles, you’re chewing forever, or the dreaded cut this with my teeth and let it fall. The struggle is real. My the sauce be not on your chin.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. One of the first camping trips with my now fiance, we were in the middle of the woods, and he had made us breakfast just before heading home. On the menu: scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. I took my first bite of bacon and broke the cap off my front tooth! This was maybe 2 months into dating… I was mortified! And to top it off… I had an interview the next morning!! I was able to get an emergency appointment at my dentist right be for my interview, but I was hella stressed about the whole ordeal.

    And yes, I still eat bacon. It has in fact betrayed my trust, but… BACON!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is terrifying on so many levels, I can’t even. The stakes just kept getting higher. Broken tooth, 2 months of dating, interview. I probably would’ve developed an ulcer in that one day. Jeez, I can’t believe it all worked out so well. Bacon has the power to make us forgive! Thanks for sharing 💜

      Like

    1. 😂😂😂 This comment is the best! You’re deceiving so well how things went down. My food was threatening to get cold and I was like, “I know you’ll be delicious if I can figure you out.” Plus I was sucking on the juices for as long as I was chewing – a long fucking time – and they were so good. Hubris 0😭😂💜

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m personally of the mindset that there’s no “wrong” way to eat food (except the way that it’ll kill you)… I also personally love eating the fibrous leaves whole; they’re edible despite the fact that they’re not usually eaten… Most people just don’t like them.

    Liked by 1 person

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