I know you probably haven’t met me in person, but if you had, I could probably ask you that question in the title and you’d probably have an answer for me. The reason for this? I’m pretty damn sure I have an inner ear problem because I apparently can’t not talk loudly. According to various sources– some near and some far away– I am always the … Continue reading Talk Like a Lady
“This is why I never change bags.” I was packing up some things recently and realized the gravity of my bag obsession when I needed one large box solely for storing my large bags. To clarify, this box didn’t include my handbags or clutches, which I also needed boxes for. Now, I don’t see a problem with my owning this many purses. I love every one … Continue reading I left it in my other purse. This is why I never…!
Breasts are beautiful, but nipples are commonplace. So why are these little nuggets causing such an uproar? Here’s why I believe in freeing the nipple. Continue reading Why I Believe in Freeing the Nipple
I’m a sporadic sort. Flighty, inconsistent, unreliable. I’m a free-spirit damn it! I’m not ashamed of it, but I am often ashamed of the consequences of it. When it comes to my failures at being a lady, the thing that shows my inconsistency more than anything else is probably the condition of my nails. Continue reading Pointing with my knuckles.
I just had a flashback. Cue pulse of blinding white light. I’m in the past. I’m sitting on the floor in the tiled hallway of my childhood home; I’m talking on the phone with my boyfriend. The hallway was as far as the cord could reach. So I pulled the phone from the kitchen and had conversations in the hallway. My mom didn’t know that I was talking to my boyfriend … Continue reading Flashback: Hotdog
So I grew up in the age of Girl Power. Us girls were told that we could do anything, be anything. We were presented with posters of women playing sports and dressed in astronaut gear. We were shown women in suits. Power suits with shoulder pads. You didn’t mean business if you didn’t have shoulder pads. We even got a woman, Ally McBeal, in a suit … Continue reading My Mother and Girl Power
Part One: The door-to-door AT&T salesperson is a bona fide douche. So, the AT&T guy made himself quite comfortable in my home this evening. When I mention to him that he might be a murderer, which is perfectly normal, he laughs it off and says, “Why would I want to lie?” Ughhhh. Duhhhh. Cause you want to murder me. (I didn’t dare say rape and … Continue reading I Should Have Punched This Guy In the Lip
This evening. I’m home alone. The kids are with their dad. I’m totally alone. I’m dancing in front of a mirror to Devil In Me by Anderson East. This is amazing. This is something of value. This is a gift. Continue reading To Singleness: A Late Night Post
So last night I went to my cousin’s lingerie-themed bachelorette party and had a great time. It was an interesting study in people to see the ways in which each woman would turn the corner and make her appearance in her chosen garb. Some were full diva status with lace cutouts and plunging necklines; some clutched tightly their closed robes in shyness; someone else wore a … Continue reading A Name By Any Other Name Is Not Just As Sweet: On The Maiden Name
There are certain routines that annoying people establish which help them to be more efficient at life. One of those things is setting out their clothes the night before work. I imagine that they wake up refreshed, make coffee and breakfast, check their calendar for the day’s appointments, and cruise to work in peace. I prefer a different method. I lay in bed 10-15 minutes … Continue reading My Bra is All Wrong, and I’m Burning In Hell For It